DISCONNECTED

 September 13, 2020

Maybe it was all the smoke in the air. A few evenings ago as I fell asleep I felt disconnected from my body and my surroundings --- not in an unpleasant way. Maybe it was because of all surreal changes we'd gone through in a week. 

I'd have thought that by now, six months into the Covid-19 period, I'd be more-or-less used to sheltering in place, to the constant news about the pandemic, and to the fact that things don't seem to be getting better. At first we thought maybe life would start to get back to normal by fall. Maybe by 2021 we could cross 2020 off our list, and be living like we used to. But all that now seems as distant as the smoke-shrouded hills. 

We're in the middle of a crazy election season. It's never happened like this before with a severely unhinged president, and dire predictions of a constitutional crisis and a break-down of our democracy. A few alarmists are even talking about a military coup or a civil war. 

Then the fires started. They're not exactly new here in California, but this year they've been far bigger and more severe than ever before. A friend prepared to evacuate so I put clean sheets on the bed in our guest room. She kept her car packed ready to go for several days, but the danger for her neighborhood passed. This morning I learned that the sister and brother-in-law of another friend were awakened in the middle of the night with flames in their yard. They escaped safely with only the clothes they were wearing and are going back today to see if anything is left of their house. 

We're fortunate to be far enough away from the flames that fire is not a worry. But we have the smoke. Actually we've been pretty lucky even there. A week ago, I was sitting in my work room wondering how much hotter the air could get. We don't have air conditioning but our house stays relatively cool, and  we can open the windows at night and capture enough cool air to keep us comfortable until late in the afternoon. The night air was clean enough to take advantage of California's natural air-conditioning. 

Late in the third day of 100+ temperatures (by which time the fabric of the house was heated through), the temperature began to drop. Relief! The next morning was very dark and the atmosphere was dark orange. Street lights stayed on all day, cars used their headlights, and the birds never woke up. Meterologists explained that a cool marine layer (with relatively clean air) had slipped in under a heavy layer of smoke. They were asking people to tweet the conditions in their neighborhood so they could update their computer models. One friend said the day was the longest night he'd ever experienced. The following day was yellow, the day after that was light cream, and we're still not back to blue sky. The temperatures are still cool to moderate, we have fog in the morning, and the air quality is not good. A young mom who's homeschooling three kids noted that earlier in the week it was too hot to send the kids outside to play, and later in the week it been too smoky. She's going crazy. 

I feel disconnected.